Chuck Spears:
So I’m sure you’ve heard by now. The New York Football Giants (Why do we still make that distinction, the Baseball Giants have been in San Fran since 1957) have done it again. Against all odds they beat the New England Patriots in Professional Football’s Championship game for the second time in four years. That might not be fair to say. It’s not so much that the Giants won the game it’s more like the Pats lost it, maybe even gave it away. On the first play of the Pats first drive the Giants score two easy points on a safety. They built some momentum in the second quarter, but a few penalties (like having 12 players on the field on defense), and so many dropped passes drove the nail into the coffin of their championship dreams.
I’m assuming football fans either saw the actual game or watched the recaps, replays and commentary ad nauseam, so I’ll just talk a little bit about how it went down watching the fame at my boy Spot’s crib in BUM-FUCK* New Jersey (*aka Totowa). When I get to his crib he tells me that former Giant Plaxico Burress lives in town, and was at the Pizza Shop up the block from his house, lamenting the fact that his questionable* (*aka dumb-ass) behavior got him suspended from the team and how he should have been in the Superbowl. My friend Spot just missed him at the shop but the owner rubbed the missed celebrity sighting in his face. I’ve had their mozzarella garlic bread, with food that good I could probably bear an insult or two from those guys. I might let the cook punch me in the rib for an order. Anyway my other boy Dro drove me, my lady and his boy to Spot’s house from Jamaica Queens. Dro brings some Vegetable Dumplings from Trader Joe’s and Spot belligerently throws them into the sink saying he didn’t want any healthy shit in his house for the game. Meanwhile, Spot’s snack assortment included baked multi-grain chips and a vegetable platter. Spot’s wife, Jaye, was also there along with his pre-teen son, who was watching his first Superbowl, and his Father-in-Law, Mr. O. Mr. O is a 50-something year-old Italian man, but he was sure to give a rest-in-peace shout out to Don Cornelius, sincerely telling us how he used to love watching Soul Train back in the day. There are no words for how much he hated the half-time show Madonna performed. I have to agree with him, but it did get better when Cee-Lo Green helped her out on the last song in the set, “Like A Prayer.” Nikki Minaj and LMFAO did nothing for us though.
Another thing we had issues with was the quality of the commercials. The Doritos spot were okay, and that Valentine’s Day commercial raised a lot of eye-brows, but for the most part they were all “FAILS” according to Spot’s son. A commercial I got a kick out of was by Audi featuring the “hip” vampires in the woods. I was laughing like a kid when the high beams disintegrated the vamps, and was all alone in that cathartic experience. To everyone else in the room it was groan-worthy at best. The ad for the 21 Jump Street movie wasn’t received well either and the only thing we remembered about it was how weird Jonah Hill looked after losing all the weight. Here’s to your health Jonah, but you I don’t think America is ready for the new you, or your horrible re-imagining of a fan favorite 80s TV police drama.
Back to the game the third quarter had some exciting drives lots of oohs and ahs as the Pats ate up the clock with a 79 yard drive resulting in their second TD and the Giants barreled down field for a few nail-biting field goals. THings got really tense in the final minutes of the 4th Quarter. Spot’s son could barely stand to watch the Giants final drive of the game. It was quite nerve racking. But that drive ended with the best touchdown I’ve ever seen. Giants Running Back, Ahmad Bradshaw rambled undefended to the goal line and in an effort to eat at the clock turns around and plops down on his ass to score the touchdown. A failed two-point conversion later and the score is 21-17 Giants. The bad news is there’s a minute left in the game and New England Patriots QB Tom Brady has the ball. He throws a few of the prettiest and best placed tosses I’ve seen in a while, landing right in his receivers’ hands, but apparently they had just been oiling their gloves or had third degree burns on their hands because they dropped them suckers like hot potatoes. The last pass to the end-zone was too well defended by the Giants, seems the whole team was there swatting away at Bradys hail-mary throw. So the rematch of Superbowl XLII comes to a close with the same result, The New York Giants are the champs yet again. Eli Manning gets his second Superbowl ring and MVP title, this time the arena his brother Peyton calls home. Tom Coughlin, who the Giants ownership were talking about dumping a few months back is vindicated and the Patriots duck out on the end of game interview. Mr. O is mortified as he stuck around after the game was over just to hear what Coach Bilichick and Tom Brady had to say about their performance in the big game. He says he’s seen every Superbowl and has never seen such bad sportsmanship, to his memory it’s the first time the losing team didn’t come out to congratulate the Superbowl champs. What a bunch of A-holes.
Getty Images
So we finally head out and there’s not much going outside in the boonies of the Garden State. Dro drops us of by Port Authority on his was back to Far Rockaway, and it’s a different scene altogether in Times Square. People are getting the championship t-shirts and such from Modell’s some are stammering around drunk, and one Patriots fan mouths off, but manages to walk away unscathed even with people in the street demanding that some one kicks that traitors ass. It’s great to see the city so electrified, that’s all I got on the night’s events Diggy, how’d it go for you?
Sir Diggy: GOOOOO BIG BLUE!!!!!!!!!!
I was ecstatic. I was elated. And I was around a bunch of non-football watchers that decided to tune in and ended up being entertained anyway, either by the game or by my emotional outbursts. My best friend doesn’t watch sports, so I had to sort of warn him that he’s never seen me really get into a game, especially a game with one of my squads playing for the Big One. He nor our other friends have never seen me this wound up, and after the game he said it was a hoot to see me that animated.
I won’t go into rehashing the game because Chuck, you did a great job in that. I will tell you that I had to deal with a couple of Johnny-come-lately haters. One was my girl whom lives outside Chicago but is a Packer fan – I’ve tried to explain to her how sacrilegious that is; her best [only] response is that she likes the color green. She kept sending me texts along the lines of “Giants suck ass” and “when they lose, you’re going to have to wear a green thong for me” (I know, I know; believe me: I don’t even want to see that!). The second person was my best friend’s ex-girlfriend, whom earlier in the day told me she wanted no part of watching the Superbowl or being around the fellas. So imagine my shock when I get the following text during the game (and I quote):
“Hey boot pads your team eAt my shorts.”
What? Huh?
Here’s another quote I endeared from her mid-game when one of the Giant players got hurt:
“Man down man down na nan boo stick head dodo”
Forget for a second that my three-year old niece speaks more coherently even when she’s making fun of me. This was someone who was adamant about not watching the game, and who knows NOTHING about football. Needless to say, Chuck, when that Hail Mary attempt from Brady hit the ground and I got done jumping for joy (and relief), I called her ass – naturally, she hid from me by being on the phone with my boy and not answering. She did answer eventually, and I let her frontin’ ass have it… don’t ask me what she said in defense/response.
I actually made it to the Giants’ parade today, because my bus from Syracuse dropped me off only a few hours from the start of it. Check here for my post about it – including pics!
(someone got towed already)
stoptryingtoplayme 