Side-Piece; A Look into the Mind of “The Other Chick”

Posted: March 29, 2012 by sirdiggy in dating, Humor, life, relationships, Women, WTF
Tags: , , , ,

I was chatting via Facebook with my longtime friend – let’s call her R-Cat – last week and she was telling me how she ended up being some dude’s sidepiece “by default”.  Now before she spills any other information, I know off the bat this is bad for her for several reasons.  Among such reasons, two stand out:

  1. My dear friend gets very attached to whomever she develops feelings for and she loves very hard.
  2. She’s had some bad experiences giving herself to men whom truly did not deserve her love and affection.

So we talked, and she told me she called dude recently and basically asked him to define or clarify their relationship.  Homeboy responded by telling her the she was accosting him.  I said to myself (and her), “who the fuck uses that word?”  So I looked it up on (because I didn’t know what it meant, lol); here’s the definition:

  1. To approach and speak to boldly or aggressively, as with a demand or request.
  2. To solicit for sex.

To translate, years ago DMX had a song out with Sisqo called “What These Bitches Want”.  To further illustrate the use of the word “accosting” in everyday (street) terms, here’s X’s last eight bars from the first verse:

Come on ma, you know I got a wife
and even though that pussy tight I’m not gon’ jeapordize my life (aight?)
So what is it you want from a nigga? (WHAT?)
I gave you, you gave me – BITCH, I blazed you, you blazed me (c’mon)
Nothin more, nothin less, but you at my door
willin to confess that it’s the best you ever tested
Better than all the rest, I’m like, “Aight girlfriend, hold up
I gave you, what you gave me Boo, a nut (f’real)

What the woman in these bars was doing to X is a form of accosting.  She knew he had a significant other, so he had sex with her with the understanding that she would “play her position” – which is exactly what dude told my friend.  So after talking further, she said she would make moves to leave dude alone.  Good.

Fast-forward to two days ago: R-Cat hits me up again to tell me that she’s still messing with dude, and then pleads for me not to beat her up over it because she’s already done so.  Now I’m frustrated, because I know how guys are, being that I carry a set of balls myself.  Many of us are “pussy conquerors”; there’s no pussy like new pussy, and the more pussy the better.  And the thing about pussy conquerors is they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and social backgrounds.  They understand the type of women they’re attracted to.  They then map out their “hunting grounds” and plan their tactics accordingly.  You’d think they all would be single – bachelor-extraordinaires you could call ’em.  But quite a few have either a girlfriend, a wife, or a chick that thinks she’s his girlfriend (see: Bottom Bitch).

I’ve known R-Cat since 1996. She’s told me a lot about her transgressions with men, her weight issues, her battles with alcoholism, and her insecurities with her body (which included a breast reduction which I’m still not happy about).  Here’s the thing: she knows me in terms of how I am with advice.  She knows I give the most honest answers I can; she knows I’m direct; she knows I’m opinionated, and that I care.  These things will not change, as my best friend pointed out.  So when I said to her, “all these years and you still don’t love yourself”, it was a direct opinion on what I believe to be the lowest common denominator of her problems.

Her rebuttals were that I had not seen how much she’s grown over the years (quite possible), and that men are her Achilles’ heel.  She also took exception to the tone of my words, stating I was “gruff” and using the tough love approach.  She claims the tough love “tactic” doesn’t work for her, and that it never did even as she was growing up.  I refuted that EVERYBODY needs a little tough love at some point in their lives; its how we learn certain lessons and grow a thicker skin to certain things.  And for that whole Achilles’ heel comment – there are certain skills involved in dealing with the opposite sex, and while one may never become an “expert”, you can certainly improve on such skills so that at the very least, you don’t end up being someone’s side-chick… at least knowingly.

Unfortunately, she became more defensive.  She equated her struggles with men with her struggles with alcohol addiction.  This pissed me off, because; A. the language she was using I thought was very unhealthy, and B. if you’re comparing your issues with the opposite sex to substance abuse, then you’ve really got bigger problems.

But the true golden nugget of her commentary was when she claimed I sounded like the little voice inside her.  You know, that little voice that says, “um, having a third glass of Long Island Iced Tea might not be a good idea especially since you’re the designated driver tonight”.  So my words echo what her inner-voice tells her – my best friend cracked up when I told him that: “That’s great!” he exclaimed.  “She saying that she doesn’t even listen to herself!

I told her that essentially, she basically paid me quite a nifty compliment.  Her response? “Go fuck yourself”.

Oh, and she also called me sexist because I told her that most women who settle for being the sidepiece have issues.  I can’t make this stuff up.

Because I enjoy feedback and searching for better answers for myself, I told another female friend about the above convo.  She explained that because men and women are wired differently, it’s natural for me to want to make blunt, direct comments for situations like these (i.e. “how could she be so stupid”).  She also made two astute observations:

  1. If she was once the woman in a relationship who had been cheated on (she was), then deep down she’s probably getting some twisted enjoyment out of being that side-woman that the man is cheating with.
  2. She’s smart and grown enough to know what she’s doing.

In conclusion, she gave me a female-friendly script for if/when the next time R-Cat hits me with an emotional sad song for being “addicted” to being this guy’s side-pussy:

Just tell her that you’re her friend and you’ll always be there for her.  But then say that, ‘when you get tired of what you’re doing you’ll eventually stop, the same way you eventually stopped using alcohol.'”

At first I thought the statement was too soft and gooey.  But it quickly made a lot of sense, given how my longtime friend feels about being “addicted” to her situation.  In fact, I dare say the wording is perfect, and the sentiment is precise and attune to the issue.

I might need to hire this chick as my publicist when I complete the manuscript for my book (lol).

  1. chuckspears says:

    “if you’re comparing your issues with the opposite sex to substance abuse, then you’ve really got bigger problems.”


    But sometimes people vent just to vent and are working out the answer for themselves and don’t really want you to offer suggestions or opinions, they just need you to be a shoulder. I know as men we want to solve the f**k out of a problem, but like substance abuse you can’t decide it’s time for the person to change, that’s something that they must decide for themselves. It seems she’s passed denial and is working through her issues while using you as a sounding board.

    I’ve been the sounding board and I know what it’s like to see friends repeat their mistakes even after breakthroughs and revelations, it hurts to see it, but advise and console and be firm but not overly tough. Hopefully it’ll sink in one day soon.

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