Stepping Past My Fears in a “Safe House”

Posted: February 26, 2012 by sirdiggy in Film, life, social issues
Tags: , , , ,

OK so remember my last entry where I talked about facing fears and all that?  Well, I faced a somewhat minor one today – and come to find out it wasn’t too bad at all…
I’ve been wanting to see Denzel’s new movie Safe House for a couple of weeks now.  As had been the case many other times there was a movie out that I was amped to go see, I had no one to go with.  Now some of you would probably say, “big deal, Diggy – just go by yourself”.  Well you know something, that’s just no fun.  Who am I going to make my little comments to during the movie?  Who am I going to crack jokes with and opine with during the previews?  Who am I going to have an in-depth, post-movie convo with when it’s over?  And being by myself around a bunch of family or friend-groups and couples, I thought that I would feel like a loser.

Why a loser?  Well I remember a couple of occasions that I kind of got stood up or cancelled on at the last second and I had to go it alone.  One instance I think was a movie date some years back; the other instance was a WWE Monday Night RAW show at Madison Square Garden back in 2000.  This coworker (male) I had made friends with while temping at Cablevision, we were supposed to go see RAW one Monday night.  But he never showed and I had to watch it solo.  It was kind of fun, but definitely weird being there by myself.  The next day, dude said he had a family emergency to tend to; a phone call would’ve sufficed, but anyways…

Back to the present: my family had already seen the movie, and the friends I had in the area either had seen it or had other plans for today.  A couple of such friends indeed suggested I go by myself, in which I countered with the questions I posed in the first paragraph.  But then I remembered that I’m supposed to be confronting my fears ‘n’ stuff – so I Googled “what’s your fear 2012” for some up-to-date advice and motivation.  I came across a blog post called “Murder Your Fears + Get On With Your Life“, penned by a Life-switch Coach (a life-style coach who focuses on people who feel like they should be doing big things in their life but are stuck in normalcy).  After reading the entry, I decided that I really wanted to go see Safe House and if it meant going by myself, so be it.  I wasn’t going to miss out [again] because of letting the aforementioned questions – which truly were insecurities – outweigh my desire to see a kick-ass Denzel flick.  So fuck it – I’ll treat myself to a movie and expensive movie food a hero plus a snack from a bodega on the way there.  I’ll just sit in the back of the theater away from the happy couples and group-goers and mind my business.

When I got to the theater, I indeed sat in the back away from most of the crowd.  I had intended to sneak half my hero into the movie to enjoy it during the show, but it didn’t quite make it (lol).  Any-whoo, the movie was good (no details in case you haven’t seen it yet, but the song to the ending credits was tuff) and I wasn’t one bit concerned about being alone – perhaps because I was too into the movie.  None of the feelings of being a loser because I couldn’t find someone to go with, or feeling down because no one wanted to go with me, or because I had a date cancel.*  If anything, I might’ve focused a wee bit more on enjoying the movie.

I think I’ve been putting too much stock in going to the movies as a date scene.  I mean it is, but it doesn’t have to be just that.  And going alone doesn’t mean I’m a loser who couldn’t find a date or a friend to go with; I’m a little more secure than that.  So there – I did it.  I got past my insecurities to go see a cool movie.  Can I get a cookie?

*Truth be told, I had a date scheduled for this past Friday, but homegirl couldn’t find a babysitter for her son.  Actually, fuck that – I told her over two weeks ago that I wanted to take her to the movies this weekend and she said “OK”.  A week ago, she dumped her lil’ man on her moms when she should’ve done that this week, knowing she agreed to go out.  So a small part of it ended up being, “Hey, you couldn’t make time to chill and see a movie with me, so I went and did it by myself”.  Hah!

  1. chuckspears says:

    Sorry I couldn’t make it bruh. Now I may wind up seeing it alone, but I’m used to that. For some reason I wound up seeing Batman Returns by myself when I was 13 or so. That my be why I’m so comfortable seeing movies or going to events alone, jumping that hurdle so early on. But there are several other fears as a 35 year old man I still need to overcome.

    I’m ready for that seems you are too, good stuff meng.

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