Tales of an “Internet Pimp”: Social Introvert and Dating Part 2

Posted: January 28, 2012 by sirdiggy in dating, life, Women
Tags: , , , ,

So you made it though my ramblings of Part One – thanks; it’s nice that somebody cares about my writing.

Before I go on, I haven’t been feeling the Internet as much in the last week.  I can’t blame it on the euphoria of my New York Football Giants going to the Superbowl, because that would mean I would be online soaking up as much Giants news as humanly possible.  And I’ve been keeping abreast of the offensive woes of my beloved Knickerbockers, and I’ve been doing my online chat thing – maybe I should tweak that first sentence from “haven’t been feeling the Internet” to “haven’t been feeling to drive to be productive on the Internet”.  That, and my down time at work this week was interrupted by system and service upgrades that required reprogramming of all of the hospital’s TVs.  At least Gertrude and Ernie won’t miss out on their News 12 now when they have to be admitted for a few days.

More excuses, Diggy? Shit, just get on with the topic already!

…OK fine! Sheesh…

………

I’ve never been in a long-distance relationship.  And I don’t think the practical side of me would allow for it; not at this point in my life.  I do not think it’s impossible, though.  There’s just a lot of factors that have to be weighed:

  1. Time – one of the two most important commodities in life.  If you have a job, then you may need to rely on vacation time to do your traveling.  How often can you visit your significant other and vice-verse, or is vice-verse even possible?  And when one of you visits, how long can you stay?  Perhaps more importantly: how much time do you give each other to get to know one another?
  2. Commitment – are you the type of person that absolutely needs to feel the flesh (take that anyway you want) every day, or can you go for multiple months in between visits?  Do the both of you believe in each other to the point that no local influence can pull either of you away from each other? (“Baby I love you, but Tracy is around the way and sometimes a brotha feels weak… and she gives good head”).
  3. Logistics – Even if work out items 1 and 2, if this person is whom you believe to be “the one”, then ultimately, one of you may need to move.  Are either of you willing or able to uproot yourselves from your current location and life – and job – to move to the other?  What if you’re moving to someplace you’ve never been before; someplace where you have no family, friends or contacts?  Should the two of you immediately move in together, or should the person whom is moving get their own place initially?  And lastly, what’s the exit strategy if the relationship falls apart before one of you says “I do”?
  4. Money – The other most important commodity next to time.  A nice, romantic evening of dinner plus a hotel room may not be too expensive; throw in round-trip airfare and maybe a rent-a-car it becomes a down payment or an investment (there’s that word again!).  And really, if you’re looking out-of-town to date someone, they should be worth such an investment… right?  And how often can you afford the time to travel to or import your out-of-town date?
  5. Job – We all have to work, right?  Or at least have the means to fund our interstate dates while holding down the bills and rent.*  What about when one of you decides to move closer to the other – can you get a new job in said location or find other means of making money (legally) that allows you freedom to move about?
  6. Limited, physical interaction – The person that you’ve gotten to know so much about and are attracted to, this person, must translate over during the limited windows in which each of you are finally in front of one another.  In addition, no matter how long you talk to each other on the phone or video-chat via Skype, PalTalk, ooVoo or whatever, there’s certain behaviors you cannot pick up unless you are both in each others presence.  What are his hygiene habits?  What little habits does she have that annoys you? Does he flush the toilet when he’s done?  Is she a pack-rat?  Does he have bad breath?  How are his or her manners?  Does she snore?  Can he truly last more than five minutes in bed?  Does she really believe in “sexual reciprocity”?

Let’s go back to #3 where I ask about an exit strategy:  In the beginnings of a normal (local) relationship, I don’t go into it worrying about how I’m going to get out of it if shit doesn’t work out.  I believe in any situation it’s good to prepare for the worst, but if you do that within the grassroots stage of a relationship then either your expectations are awfully low or perhaps you’ve become too emotionally invested too soon.  You’re still getting to know the other person; see what you truly have before you decide whether to keep it or dump it.  In a situation where someone is moving to be with their other, if things don’t work out will you be able to stay in that city, move back home, or move elsewhere?  When my ex-girlfriend broke up with me in August, all I had to do is drive down 45 minutes to Brooklyn to get some leftover clothes; no biggie.  When I lived in Albany with my other ex-girl, by time I knew I needed to get out of the relationship, I had the ends to get my place (which I had saved for anyways).

So maybe it’s just a matter of now allowing yourself to be totally assed-out by being 100% dependent on your mate regardless where you live or how far away from home you are.  If you can be self-sufficient wherever you are, plan things out and communicate with your special someone, you stand a far better chance to mitigate whatever risks you take – even in a long distance relationship.

Let me share an example of what didn’t work:

Back in the early 2000’s, I knew of a woman who lived in (I believe) Detroit  who used the same video chatroom service I use.  She was 20 years old at the time, and ended up talking to another chat member – a man who was twice her age, and had a daughter her age as well!  So apparently, dude put his cyber mack down pretty good, because the young lady left Detroit to move in with him in Denver.  Alas, the arrangement didn’t last long – homeboy apparently got tired of her young, immature ways (shocker) and sent her packing.

I think it’s pretty obvious what the flaws were in that example; among all other things, if my mother started dating a guy my age I would definitely be weirded-out.

_______
*when I reach my goal of financial freedom, I plan on being a traveling-ass fool.  Fuck having to take days off or putting in vacation time… I’mma be chillin!

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Comments
  1. nyblac says:

    As someone who’s done LD relationship before, and it does create huge problems most times, I wanted to add that with this, the relationship is built on fantasy or fallacy, is probably a better word. This is mostly true for a relationship that starts off LD, not true for a couple that’s dated for months/years in the same locale and then had to move apart due to life circumstances (and intends to end up back in the same place). If you start off a relationship like this, every time you go visit that person, it’s like a vacation honeymoon type trip. You have passion, desire, you wear your best clothes, put your best self forward and are on your best behavior. You may go do fun things together like tour museums, go bike riding or canoeing etc. and eat out a restaurants etc. So, that’s a facade. And in this, you don’t learn what that person is like every, single day. What are all of the little annoying things they do? Well once you’re actually together, and you start to see the real person unravel, you might not feel like you actually know or can even stand that person in real life on a day to day basis.

    • sirdiggy says:

      Very interesting – there’s no substitute for constant physical interaction. And I get the part about the “honeymoon vacation trips”; there’s a lot of pressure to cram spending a lot of time in a short time period. But instead of each trip being an event-filled vacation, why not tone it down and have a trip like a simple date, or just spend some time doing simple shit together that let’s the natural “you” come out. Even when you date someone local, it takes time until you get to the point where you are around them every day, unless after date #1 or #2 you’re already chillin at each other’s house, in which whomever is visiting still gets treated as a guest for the first few visits. Obviously, this time period is stretched out when you’re doing LD, but some of the basics I think still remain.

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