Spam n Eggin’

Posted: November 11, 2011 by sirdiggy in Humor, life, WTF
Tags: , , ,

Stop me if you’ve gotten this IM or PM before (and THIS time I did not change the user’s name because I protect the innocent, not the spam).  Let’s take this play-by-play; with my real-time thoughts in brackets:

VerineCh evryg664: HEY  whats up babe  how have u been ? [babe?]
Me: who’s this?
VerineCh evryg664: It’s me Madison.. we use to chat a bit… a while back.. I had you on my old messenger! whats new hun? Where u from?? I just wanna make sure its u lol! [this actually sounded fairly normal, except I’ve had enough IM conversations to know that most women don’t pack that many questions into one response.  Note that she asked me where I was from]
Me: Madison? I don’t recall the name  [my short term memory isn’t great, but I don’t know any Madisons]

VerineCh evryg664: OH OK GOOD.. k listen.. im glad u messaged me cause im actually moving near ya in about a week.. i wont know a single person  i remember u lived there from when we chatted way back  are u even single lol?  [by this time it was crystal clear that this was spam.  How does someone say “I don’t know or remember you” and your response is “good”?  And I never told “her” where I lived, so how the fuck would she know where “near ya” is?  And “she” says “I remember you lived there from when we chatted”, but in “her” second response, “she” clearly asked “where u from??”  I know spam preys on the dumb and ignorant, but geez, how much energy are spammers putting into this bullshit anyways?]
Me: where is “near me” at? [you’ll see the spam bot never answers this question]
VerineCh evryg664: I’ll make ya a deal lol….IF you help show me around and help me find a GOOD JOB… [FIND YOU a good job??? Shit, I wouldn’t mind one of those myself, fuck finding you one. Besides (in Chris Tucker’s voice), I don’t know you, maaaaaaan]
Me: ? [here comes the bullshit…]
VerineCh evryg664 is typing…
VerineCh evryg664: ok WELL… lol…please dont judge me but I work for a webcam chat site since I’m soo broke…. But I dont mind giving u a VIP link t come watch for free.. since we are gonna be friends and hang out and stuf.. I have 3 free passes to give out a month so I dont mind giving u one if you PROMISE not to give it out to anyone… the only reason im saying u should come watch is cause i have to get off IM now and start work… oh AND u MUST help me find a new job…I hate this job  deal? ok ok I just amde this for YOU ONLY.. dont give it to ANYONE! [ignored and reported as spam to yahoo… bitchbegone!]

Whomever it is that likes to waste people’s time with creating these spam bots need to do better job of making them sound like they really know you.  They should take a page from credit collectors – the good ones know how to cozy up to you on the phone and SOUND like you know them, only to reel you in and BAM, they got yo ass!  And if you program the bot to solicit responses, shouldn’t you have more than one line of responses lined up for when the person basically says, “Look I don’t know you… please fuck off”?  Maybe make the bot more reconfirming, or have it overcome rejectionary statements.  It didn’t take a quarter of a brain to deduce any of this… in fact I was 95% sure it was a spammer from the first line, but I was curious to see if “she” would acknowledge my skeptic responses and stray from the script.   …smh


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